Joe Cochrane – Could it be that the country's most popular model/presenter/actress was in a racy homemade sex tape with her pop-star boyfriend? Actually, the bigger question should be: Who cares?

I have yet to witness the mad sexual hysteria that is supposedly gripping the entire country after the posting of sex tapes alleged to include Luna Maya, her boyfriend, Ariel, and fellow celebrity Cut Tari. That said, judging from the hype, I must be one of about seven people in this country of 235 million who haven't seen them – and as such have not been driven insane or blinded by their evil powers. I also had more important things on my schedule this week.

But I'm guessing that the vast majority of Indonesians were too busy as well, because I categorically reject the idea that tens of millions of people, including every single teenager and schoolboy and girl, have watched the alleged celebrity sex tapes. The country has fewer than 40 million Internet users, so every single one of them would have to have sought out the tapes and then shared them with others, including small children.

That, of course, is nonsense, but it still hasn't stopped Internet haters from demanding new controls to "protect" the country's children from immoral behavior. As if living with staggering levels of corruption and poverty isn't enough to spur the authorities into action.

The Luna-Ariel-Cut Tari sex-tape scandal is yet another senseless diversion from the country's real problems.

It's not even certain that the tapes are genuine, and if they're not, we're going to have a lot of stupid-looking government, police, education and child-welfare officials out there. Plus we could potentially have lawsuits filed by the celebrities in question.

But there is a bright side here. The sex-tape scandal has finally exposed that Indonesian society has been taken down a dangerous road by its leaders and needs to change course. Since 1998, the country has carried out wildly successful political and economic reforms, but its soul isn't any better. And this certainly is not because of sex tapes or gyrating dangdut dancers – it's because many of the country's politicians, law enforcement officials and senior religious figures are bereft of common sense.

Consider this fact: Since the first sex tape began making the rounds on the Internet on June 4, about 3,318 Indonesian children under the age of 5 have died. That's an average based on statistics by the United Nations Children's Fund, which reports that 173,000 Indonesian children under 5 died in 2008, the vast majority from preventable diseases such as diarrhea and pneumonia.

In addition, 23 percent of Indonesian children under 5 are "moderately to severely malnourished," according to Unicef. And here are a few more statistics: only 2 percent of Indonesians study beyond high school; there's a 50 percent school dropout rate among 15-year-old Indonesians; 40 percent of all Indonesians do not have access to proper sanitation facilities; and some of the country's other human-development indicators are equal to those of sub-Saharan Africa.

Pretty grim stuff, huh? But what has gripped the attention of the National Police, Jakarta education officials, lawmakers and even a cabinet minister? Celebrity sex tapes that may or may not be real. Even if the tapes are real, are they more important than child health and education?

So far, the answer is yes. The Jakarta Police and city education officials announced plans to conduct raids at schools to search students' cellphones for the sex tapes. It's a pity they didn't exhibit such zeal in protecting street children from alleged serial child killer Bayquni, or help more city high school students pass the national examinations.

It's also a pity how lowly they think of the city's teenagers in general. But then again, if we believe the country's government officials, lawmakers and religious leaders, Indonesian teenagers do nothing but blindly seek out pornography the same way that horror-movie zombies go after human brains.

But the statement of the week belongs to Sr. Comr. Boy Rafli Amar, the Jakarta Police spokesman, who said on Thursday that in addition to checking students' cellphones for the sex tapes, "we are also going to raid several places that sell porn DVDs."

Pardon me, sir, but aren't you supposed to be doing that anyway? Isn't it your job to raid DVD stores selling pornography, or are all those rumors I hear about payoffs and kickbacks to pirate DVD vendors true?

Of course, the whole sex-tape debacle wouldn't be complete without city police threatening to prosecute Luna, Ariel and Cut Tari under the antipornography and information and electronic transactions laws. You remember them, right? The two most useless laws on record. How many people have been prosecuted under those laws? Three? Four? And at what cost? Those laws have only divided Indonesian society, thrown innocent people such as Prita Mulyasari in prison, and made Indonesia look like a backward, radical country internationally. Has the House of Representatives passed any laws lately to alleviate rural poverty, which is at the root of the appalling child mortality rate? Of course not. Lawmakers haven't passed a single piece of legislation since being sworn in.

Given the uproar over the sex-tape scandal, maybe the House should form a special committee, a la the Bank Century witch-hunt, to investigate Luna, Ariel and Cut Tari. I'm sure that idea would get support from all kinds of politicians, who can then play to the cameras with ritual denunciations of smut instead of doing any real work.

In addition, of course, the minister of communications and information technology, Tifatul Sembiring, is using the scandal to call again for controls on Internet content, just like they have in China, which ironically is probably Indonesia's main provider of pirated DVDs, both pornographic and non-pornographic.

It's certainly confusing, but amid the fog, an unexpected knight has ridden in to save the day: the National Police. Officials from the same institution that allegedly brought you the framing of two antigraft officials and the Gayus Tambunan tax and corruption case are saying that no charges will be brought against the celebrities alleged to be on the sex tapes.

Instead, its officials have said they only want to find out who posted the tapes on the Internet, and go after them. Finally, some common sense. Best of luck to them. And in the meantime, leave Luna alone.

[Joe Cochrane is a Jakarta Globe contributing editor.]