Desi Anwar – Now that we're becoming a nanny state, set on protecting our citizens by filtering all sorts of unsavory stuff, why stop at just BlackBerry?

After all, to quote American founding father George Washington, "mankind, when left to themselves, are unfit for their own government."

In Indonesia this has been taken to mean that when left to our own devices, we will automatically seek out pornography, because we are all inherently morally unfit beings.

And yes, I confess I do have one hell of a dirty mind whose licentious workings need to be supervised at all times.

Hence, although I'm not in the habit of using my BlackBerry to browse for porn, the screen being far too small to provide much by way of graphic titillation, anything that adds an extra barrier between me and the object of my temptation can only be a good thing, right?

It is, after all, for the protection of my soul in the afterlife – not to mention for the benefit of our information minister's moral righteousness, which I certainly have no wish to upset.

But I'm sorry to say that some devilish individuals have already sent me links to bypass the BlackBerry filter, should I wish to succumb to my weakness and peruse sexy sites that I didn't even know existed until now.

Which makes the whole exercise a bit of a joke, but hey, when it comes to filtering porn, no effort can go too far, especially when there really is nothing more pressing to do in this life than to ensure our idle hands are not engaged in wicked activities.

But how to filter my habit of texting filthy language and sexy messages? Perhaps Minister Tifatul could force the mobile software makers to create predictive texts that automatically change lewd words into something more morally acceptable?

For instance, if you typed an expletive it could change itself to something like "bless you."

That would really be helpful, especially as we all know the Internet is a paradise for teenagers who delight in nothing more than to spew forth filth and expletives to one another.

My rudest text messages are practically puritanical compared to my high school-age niece's expletive-ridden Twitter updates and BB messages.

So, on top of the BlackBerry filter, I propose we look around and see what other things we can throw a veil over in order to protect our eyes from being sullied by the sight of offensive filth.

I hear in some places they are already covering naked statues – no doubt to prevent people from breaking into Bacchanalian orgies at the sight of some larger than life petrified bosom or well-chiseled buttocks.

But it shouldn't only be statues. We are surrounded by potentially pornographic objects that might remind us of the filthiness of the human form.

Victorian England got it right when they covered everything up so as to conceal its natural shape, including curvy table and piano legs. I have a good mind to do the same to the legs of my own furniture.

There must be a reason why the dog is always trying to hump the dining room chair, or why the cat is always rubbing herself salaciously against the coffee table.

Keyholes for bathroom doors should be banned altogether. Those things have a pernicious influence on the peeping Toms among us.

While we're at it, we should also disallow people from undressing when taking a bath or shower. Who knows what effect the sight of one's own naked body in the mirror could have on one's moral health.

Porn, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder. Looking at the many regulations and restrictions against pornography in Indonesia, it would appear that we have many more people cursed with a dirty mind than those possessing a healthy, mature and well-adjusted one.

People who, instead of seeing things as artistic, cultural or just plain neutral, always see the pornographic side of things, as if stuck in some sort of Freudian world where every banana is a phallic symbol and every word is a double entendre.

We should be thankful that our leaders have taken it upon themselves to adjust our world to meet such a low standard of self-government, saving us the trouble of trying to evolve to a higher level of consciousness where the finer side of human sensibilities reside.

Much like the padded walls of the mental asylum, such adjustments cushion the impact of banging one's head against the wall without having to address the desire to bang one's head against the wall in the first place.

How pleasant it is to have the responsibility of one's actions given over to someone else, lest we continue to succumb to our weak ways and once again give in to our iniquities.

Thank goodness we can blame it all on somebody else – – like the government and RIM for not filtering our BlackBerrys properly.

[Desi Anwar is a senior anchor at Metro TV. She can be contacted at www.desianwar.com and www.dailyavocado.net.]