Tirtawening – At the beginning of 2026, the Indonesian public was drawn to the memoir Broken String, by Indonesian actress Aurelie Moeremans. Now 32, the book recounts her experiences of being groomed and sexually abused as a teenager while dating an older partner.
Her memoir reminded me of a poster I saw on a public toilet in Sydney: 'It's not love, it's coercive control. Know the signs of abuse.' It was affixed to the toilet door for maximum visibility, reflecting the local government's commitment to addressing the endemic problem of domestic or relationship abuse.
Similar posters are, sadly, hard to find in Jakarta and other major cities in Indonesia, despite the high number of domestic abuse cases in that country.
As a lecturer on gender and law at the University of Indonesia, I have heard many stories from my former students about the violence experienced by their female friends. They were forbidden from wearing certain clothes and speaking to other men. They were forced into sexual relations, had their sexual activities recorded, and fell victim to sextortion by their own partners. They were verbally abused, and much more.
These experiences closely resemble what Aurelie endured. However, they are rarely described as abuse by victims, let alone society.
Recognising various forms of relationship abuse
Grooming and coercive control are forms of violence that still lack clear definitions in Indonesia.
History shows that the recognition of a particular form of crime rarely emerges quickly. Sexual harassment, for example, was only clearly defined and recognised as a form of crime in the late 1970s in the United States, after feminist thinkers such as Lin Farley and Catherine MacKinnon used the phrase to describe sexual discrimination in the workplace.
The term later gained legal recognition through cases such as Barnes v. Costle, in 1977. Since then, certain abusive acts that were previously 'unnamed' have now been declared forms of discrimination and violence against women.
In Indonesia, the term 'sexual harassment' was only explicitly incorporated into legislation in 2022 through Law 12 of 2022 on Sexual Violence (UU No. 12 Tahun 2022).
Aurelie's story shows how failure to define certain acts as abuse led to failure to protect their victims. When she wrote about her experiences on Facebook in 2014, she was subjected to victim-blaming. Society did not recognise her as a victim of a crime. Aurelie claimed that a child protection institution that should have protected her instead allowed the grooming process to continue.
She did not name the institution, but it was likely the Lembaga Perlindungan Anak (Child Protection Institute), established in 1998 and once led by Seto Mulyadi, popularly known as Kak Seto.
In a recent statement responding to Aurelie's story, Kak Seto acknowledged the importance of understanding power relations, adolescent vulnerability, and the long-term psychological impacts of sexual violence.
However, this acknowledgment also reveals how institutional ignorance can perpetuate victims' vulnerability. Only in 2025, eleven years after she posted her story on Facebook, did Aurelie's story receive widespread attention. The term 'child grooming' has now become more widely recognised, particularly among gender activists and academics, although it is still yet to be made a criminal offence in Indonesia.
Criminalising grooming and coercive control
Like grooming, coercive control is another criminal category without a clear definition in Indonesia, although some Australian states, including New South Wales and South Australia, have now categorised it as a distinct offence.
Law 23 of 2004 on the Elimination of Domestic Violence recognises physical, psychological, sexual, and economic violence. Law 35 of 2014 on Child Protection does the same. However, violence in the form of coercive control is usually a combination of several, if not all, of these forms of violence.
Aurelie's story tells how she experienced all of them in her relationship with the perpetrator. She suffered psychological violence through harsh and intimidating language, physical violence through being spat on and slapped, economic violence by being forced to stop working, and clear sexual violence.
Coercive control is a pattern of behaviour used by one person to dominate another and often forms the foundation of domestic violence or violence in other intimate relationships. Perpetrators use coercive control to restrict freedom, limit decision-making, and reduce the victim's ability to control their own life.
For children, coercive control becomes even more complex because they may experience it not only from a dating partner but also from their parents. Even if they are not the direct targets of coercive control occurring between their parents, children can still suffer long-term trauma from seeing, hearing, and sensing what is happening. However, even in Australia, attention to children's experiences of coercive control remains limited compared to the focus on adult female victims.
In Indonesia, dating violence has been recorded as a form of violence by the National Commission on Violence Against Women. Violence occurring within families and alternative care settings has been documented by the Indonesian Child Protection Commission.
However, coercive control is still not recognised as a distinct category of violence against children and women.
Aurelie's story and the need for access to justice
Aurelie needed eleven years and a book to gain public and governmental attention for her case. Without adequate terminology and definitions, victims of violence, especially children, will struggle to understand that what they are experiencing is an act of violence.
Clear legal definitions are essential to prevent the gap that hinders victims when reporting their experiences and bringing cases into the legal system. Law enforcement officials, in turn, need clear legal guidance to identify, interpret, and process such cases.
However, the law alone is not sufficient. A child-friendly legal system is essential, as children often face barriers to accessing justice due to their age and dependence on adults, limited knowledge of their rights, and the complexity of the legal system.
Aurelie's story should serve as a catalyst for improving child protection law in Indonesia. There are emerging forms of violence, such as grooming and coercive control, that still lack clear definitions and legal protection.
A child-friendly legal system, combined with a shared understanding of definitions, protection mechanisms, and case-handling procedures among government bodies, law enforcement agencies, and service providers, is crucial to ensuring that children do not continue to be harmed by a system meant to protect them.