Nani Afrida, Jakarta – Millions of women have continued to retain their widow or divorce status, choosing to support their families as single parents, despite challenges they face within society.
A study by the Empowerment of the Female Heads of Households (Pekka) shows that women are the breadwinners in 17 percent of homes, meaning more than 8 million households in the country are headed by women.
That proportion is even higher in conflicts areas, including Aceh, Maluku and West Kalimantan, due to continual flare-ups of violence that have claimed the lives of many men.
However, those choosing to keep their widow or divorce status has risen in more developed provinces, including Jakarta, Central Java and West Java, although many women find it difficult to stand the community's treatment of them.
Being a widow in Jakarta is not easy for Diana, 34, who works at a private company in Kuningan, South Jakarta.
"My status as a widow creates difficulties. For no reason, people seem to exile me," Diana told The Jakarta Post recently. "People think that a widow or divorce will instantly become someone's mistress or a home wrecker."
She said she tried to cope with the situation, and only recently she started getting used to it, although sexual harassment continued to be a daily experience for her in her office and neighborhood.
Diana's husband died in a traffic accident five years ago, leaving her with three little children. Fortunately for her, Diana kept her job after she married her husband. "I am the head of the family and I am very happy I can raise the children, even without a husband," she said.
Rumilah, 43, went through a similar experience. The mother of five has been a divorce since she was 30 years old, after her husband went to Saudi Arabia as a migrant worker and left her with five children.
"My husband divorced me in a letter, which he sent from Saudi Arabia. I was terribly shocked, then but then I think life must go on."
To feed her family, she worked selling vegetables at a small market in Bojong Gede, Bogor, West Java. But it turned out that the toughest problem was her status, not the business.
"People just discriminate against me. It is so hurtful. The men harass me, while the women view me with suspicion and stay away. So I get bad treatment from both women and men," she said. Rumilah added that although she never acted provocatively to attract men in her surroundings, they still thought she wanted something from them.
Pekka coordinator Nani Zulminami said divorces, widows and single women faced various obstacles in making a life for their families.
"Local culture and religious bigotry have led people to harass and discriminate against widows, single women and divorces," Nani told the Post.
She said single women, especially young and attractive women, had been negatively stigmatized as lonely women badly in need of a man. The stigma made the women afraid to be more creative and active in the community, Nani added.
"People always think that the core problems for divorces and widows are sex and how to manage their loneliness," she said. "This is really stupid."
She also pointed out that many woman did not want to report domestic violence against them to the police, because of the fear of getting divorced.
Nani added that negative labeling of widows and divorcees were almost the same as the stigmatization against former prisoners or ex-prostitutes.
"The government has to educate people and change their mind-sets about this group, to help prevent harassment and discrimination against them," she said.