Emmy Fitri, Jakarta – Cecilia and Felia get out of a sedan and carefully walk in their stylish sandals on the wet cobbled stone floor on the side of the house.

It has been raining since morning and nearly all the floor outside – and parts of the inside of the dilapidated house – are wet.

To the three elderly women sitting on an old grey sofa on the terrace, the two women in their early 30s introduced themselves as churchgoers from North Jakarta, intending to give a donation to the residents of the old folk's home.

"What can we donate? And by the way ma'am, what is the status of this home? Is it state-run or run by a foundation?" she asked while searching for a pen inside her pink clutch bag.

One of the elderly ladies, Lestari, explained that a foundation ran the nursing home and there were eight people living in the house. "All of us are victims of the 1965 violence," she said ending her brief overview. "1965? What violence? What happened then?" Cecilia asked.

Lestari, now also joined by Sudjinah who sat next to her, responded with what people normally knew about the Sept. 30, 1965 coup, attributed to the Indonesian Communist Party (PKI).

The house was home to former political prisoners who were associated with the party and the women were mostly members of Gerwani – Gerakan Wanita Indonesia or the Indonesian Women's Movement.

"Oh, I see. Now I remember, there is a film, Pemberontakan G30S PKI (G30S PKI rebellion) that we had to watch every year before reformasi (the reform era). The Gerwani members gouged the eyes of the generals and slashed their faces with a razor blade. I remember that," Cecilia said naively.

Nothing changed in the facial expression of Lestari, Sudjinah and Rukinah. There was no hostility at all as they smiled while they talked in their soft and clear voices.

Obviously Cecilia was excited. "Cool – I'm meeting you here. I only know (about the rebellion) from history books and the film. It's really cool." As their guests left the terrace, Sudjinah muttered,"Young people know nothing about the past. Too bad."

Smear campaign

Under Soeharto's three-decade regime, young Indonesians were raised with the knowledge that the culprits in the 1965 coup were the Communist party and its related organizations. The image of people linked to the Communist party, Gerwani and other "banned" organizations was that they were largely atheist, violent and manipulative.

The decades-long systematic anti-Communist campaign proved to be the most successful way to kill an ideology. People with links to the Communist party were virtually cut off from social, political and economy access. The disenfranchisement, including the social labelling, applied even to the children of people affiliated to the Communist party.

When Soeharto resigned, things did not improve for some former political prisoners as they had already been robbed of a normal existence.

Sixteen people, victims of stigmatization after being made political prisoners, filed a class action lawsuit last year against President Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono and his predecessors Megawati Soekarnoputri, Abdurrahman Wahid, B.J. Habibie and Soeharto. The people include Rukinah, who is better known as Ibu Noto, Lestari, Sudjinah and prolific author Pramoedya Ananta Toer.

The sixteen people claimed to represent 20 million ex-political prisoners. The people, mostly over 70 years old, demanded the government apologize and formally rehabilitate them. They also sought between Rp 1 million and Rp 10 billion in damages for the stigma they bore after imprisonment.

"I don't know the exact number of ex-political prisoners but in Jakarta alone, there are several organizations where people like us get together," said Ibu Noto.

Statistics however, are no longer the issue because one person's experience is already a tragedy, with his or her own heartbreaking story. "Most of us are already over 70, yet many of us have not been given a KTP (ID card) because we are ex-political prisoners," Ibu Noto said.

The mother of four children was apprehended in Papua (then Irian Jaya) for she was part of the Sukarno-founded National Front. The Yogyakarta native, whose husband perished in the 1945 independence war, served 14 years in Bukit Duri prison. She was never tried.

"My children and relatives are fine. They know I did not do anything nasty," she said. She was released in 1976 and eked out a living by selling anything from food to herbal remedies.

Though not living in the nursing house, Ibu Noto frequents the house to meet her friends.

Grande dames

Strong is probably the right word to describe Ibu Noto and her friends although physically they are stooped and looking frail. "If we ponder over what we've been through it is truely sad. No living person deserves the torture and the stigma that we have borne. But we must not give up the challenge to survive," she said.

"Our daily meal was 17 kernels of boiled corn, the guards really counted it and they stole every three grains of our portion." "They (the military) wanted us to starve to death." While Ibu Noto and her friends could endure the prison torture and harassment, they admitted that the saddest part of the jail term was the perpetual grief of being separated from their loved ones.

"I met my youngest daughter for the first time after 36 years," Lestari said, sharing her story.

"I left my children with a relative in the village when I was arrested. Maybe, because my relative was scared, she separated the children and gave them to other relatives. My youngest daughter was left in a cemetery. She was only two months old back then," she said.

The infant was found by a soldier who was part of the anti-Communist Trisula Sakti operation. "Not all military personnel are bad. They were just doing their job. Many of them are just humans with a heart. In prison some guards often said that the women prisoners reminded them of their mothers and sisters."

Lestari was released in December 1979 after serving 11 years in prison. The mother of five said she was jailed without trial because she was a Gerwani member.

"Gerwani was not linked with PKI formally. We were an independent organization which, at that time, was the most vocal group in empowering women. We worked against polygamy, we eradicated illiteracy, and we set up kindergartens throughout rural areas in the country," she said firmly.

Robert Cribb's The Indonesian Killings of 1965-1966 explains that Gerwani was never affiliated to the PKI but was to all intents and purposes the party's women's organization, claiming nine million members in 1961.

Saskia Wieringa also mentions in her report Feminism aborted: Gerwani and the coup that after the coup Gerwani was the target of hostility, because it was seen as having promoted promiscuity and as having encouraged women to neglect their family duties.

For 78-year-old Sudjinah, formerly a journalist with Harian Rakjat, the organization was her life, for she was widowed without children. Her husband died in the pre-independence guerrila struggle.

"I got caught in 1967 after living like a chameleon to evade arrest. I worked with three other friends to print leaflets supporting Sukarno," said Sudjinah who lost her front teeth in a torture session while in jail.

Her testimony elucidated in the book, Terhempas Gelombang Pasang (Hit by the Tide) was published five years ago.

The three "grande dames" are just part of a bigger picture; of how their hard past could fuel their fighting spirit. And how they could swallow the bitterness without hatred and revenge for they believe what they know: They are innocent.

"Who doesn't want to die with a clear name and to be remembered as a good person? Our fight is not over until we achieve that," Ibu Noto said.