Christine T. Tjandraningsih, Kupang – As hundreds of thousands of East Timorese went to the polls Thursday in the UN-administered territory's first legislative elections, pro-Jakarta refugees sheltering in West Timor lowered Indonesia's red-and-white national flag to half-mast to mark what many there see as a black day.

The refugees, mostly family members of militiamen who oppose independence in East Timor, said they wanted to show "condolences for our 'brothers' who were killed during efforts to keep the red-and-white flag aloft in East Timor."

The Thursday legislative election in the East comes exactly two years after the vast majority of East Timorese voted to end all ties with Indonesia, which had invaded the former Portuguese colony in December 1975. After that vote, pro-Jakarta militias, abetted by the Indonesian military, went on a rampage of violence, arson and rape that left the East largely in tatters by the time an international peacekeeping force arrived almost a month later to restore order.

"We don't care about the elections in East Timor. It's not our business ... we're Indonesian citizens," Daniel Sanchez Pinto Leo, 35, who is sheltering in the Noelbaki refugee camp in West Timor's Kupang with his wife and 5-month-old daughter, said.

Martinho da Costa, 47, who in 1975 fought for East Timor's integration into Indonesia, shared a similar view and failed to hide his dislike of independence for East Timor. "What for the elections are? We got independence in 1975. Why should there be another vote for independence?" da Costa said, referring to the 23-year Indonesian occupation of the East.

But life in the Indonesian half of Timor Island, day by day, is getting more difficult for the refugees. And it has indirectly, little by little, affected the spirit of the pro-Jakarta supporters.

"We lack food and medicine and find sanitary problems," Mujiano Lay, refugee coordinator in Noelbaki where about 7,740 refugees live, told Kyodo News. According to Lay, the local government still provides 12 kilograms of rice for each refugee every month and 45,000 rupiah (about $5) per person as a monthly meal allowance.

Education and health, however, is no longer looked after by the local government. "To go to school, our children have to pay a registration fee of 10,000 rupiah per person and 175,000 rupiah for school fees each month. To see a doctor at a hospital, we have to pay transportation fees, the medical consultation and for medicines," Lay said. "How can we afford that?"

Little can be done with such a small amount of money given by the local government to pay for education and health. Speaking in her 3 by 5 meter room where 11 family members live, Merry Soares, 22, said when her daughter Martini is sick and she needs money to visit a hospital, she must sell rice or cut her meal allowance to pay for the doctor. Lay does the same thing to pay for his children's school.

And, compared to just a few months ago, the hardships appear to be causing many to soften their views on the East. "We want to return, because as an East Timorese, we will never forget East Timor. War will never end if we are not seeking reconciliation," Lay said.

Leo agreed, but he is still worried about suspicion of his motives among those who stayed in East Timor. "I was born as a part of TNI [Indonesian Defense Force]. I worked as carpenter for TNI. Most of my relatives are TNI members. Will they accept us?" he wondered.

For that reason, although they refuse to join the legislative elections, the refugees unexpectedly expressed support for independence leader Xanana Gusmao to become East Timor's first president.

"His charisma, hopefully, could boost reconciliation among East Timorese inside and outside East Timor," Lay, who used to be a member of the Alfa militia group controlling the eastern part of East Timor, said. "He has promised to give amnesty to ex-militia members. That's one thing that motivates us to return home," he said.