Susan Sim, Jakarta – Mr Djohan Effendi's first thought when his long-time pal asked him to be his third State Secretary in eight months was instant despair.
"What sins have I committed to deserve this?" the Islamic scholar asked President Abdurrahman Wahid, who promptly burst into laughter.
Recalling the moment in a recent interview with The Straits Times, the former director of religious research was not being merely self-effacing.
Barely three weeks into what used to be the most powerful Cabinet job, he was well aware that the administration is popularly perceived to be ineffective and incapable of meeting the high public expectations for change.
Indeed in recent weeks, the opinion-moulders here have gone beyond rebuking their carefree president for creating more problems than he is solving, to engaging in an activity that would in the recent past have been considered seditious jailbait: plotting the removal of the head of state.
In his absence, the knives here continue to be sharpened. A few senior officials of Vice-President Megawati Soekarnoputri's party – the Indonesian Democratic Party (PDI-P) – even took the unusual step of briefing the foreign media on Friday of two "scenarios" being hatched to force the President to shape up or ship out.
Legislators had suddenly woken up to the "possibility of a change of government" in recent days as "evidence mounted against the President", the PDI-P's parliamentary whips, faction chief Arifin Panigoro and secretary Heri Akhmadi, claimed.
Still they were careful to assert that Ms Megawati, who effectively controls the largest blocs in Parliament and the People's Consultative Assembly (MPR), was not considering a putsch, just "ready to be President if the position is open".
But she had authorised her whips to hold inter-party talks on the possible options and, maybe, put together a majority coalition for a new government, they said.
Scenario 1 is not preferred, but has to be considered: If Gus Dur will not restructure his Cabinet and share powers with his Vice-President before or soon after the August MPR session, then he might have to be impeached at some point unless there is dramatic improvement in the economy or some other minor miracle happens.
Scenario 2 has face-saving tokens and in better taste: The President should be persuaded to step down on health grounds. Why would Gus Dur, whom even friends like Mr Djohan long ago gave up any thought of trying to influence, agree to either options?
"Because throughout history, our presidents have always known when to go, when not to push too far," said the PDI-P's Heri Akhmadi, noting that Mr Abdurrahman's three predecessors promptly stepped aside when faced with overwhelming opposition.
But there remains a high element of wishful thinking, and fear-induced restraint, in all the plotting. And certainly no critical mass yet for a political tsunami that can engulf the fanaticism of millions of the president's personal followers.
"Arifin's just trying out his lines of action," Golkar deputy chief Marzuki Darusman, who is also Attorney-General, said of the PDI-P whip's scenarios. "Nothing is real as far as Golkar is concerned."
No party is confident of summoning adequate support if it initiated a no-confidence vote against Gus Dur in the MPR. Any winning coalition that also hopes to govern will have to include both the PDI-P and Golkar and at least one of the two Islamic parties controlled by Gus Dur's NU followers – the Nation Awakening Party (PKB) he founded and has a firm grip over, or the United Development Party (PPP), the third largest party in parliament.
With Gus Dur's benefit of incumbency and amazing ability to cobble together the most unusual coalitions, any vote is likely to be very close. Mr Marzuki for one reckons the current odds are in favour of the President, albeit by a whisker.
Ms Megawati is perhaps still the only magnetic vote-getter who can, with Golkar chief and Parliament Speaker Akbar Tanjung behind her smoothing out the deals, lead the charge of the righteous against Gus Dur.
But nobody here is holding his or her breath that she will soon initiate a move of such historical magnitude, and suffer too the odium of personal betrayal. "She knows she's just not ready to be president yet," said a senior government official who recently declined to be part of a team of experienced advisers she is assembling to guide her.
Cabinet ministers say she is already chairing their weekly meetings, with Gus Dur nodding off after opening remarks. But while she is more assertive, the meetings are no more than discussion sessions since "nothing of substance" comes out; decisions are still made by Gus Dur and the relevant ministers. So at most the realists here hope what will happen come August is a sort of break-point, where some symbolic message is sent that Gus Dur's "interactive" way of governance has to change for a more policy-driven one, even if it means he and he alone chooses Cabinet ministers on merit and does not dole the posts out as party spoils.